they say that you have to find art within yourself, bring out that art and show it off to the world.

whatever you make represents who you are. your creations are pieces of your soul.


and so i take a good look at the pictures i make or the little things i write... they say nothing about me at all. they're all cold. meaningless. impersonal.

does that make me a bad artist?

or does that simply mean that i can't reach into myself?

and if i indeed can't, why is that so?

am i afraid of what brutally honest art may expose?

am i afraid of what it could say about me?

or maybe i'm afraid that there isn't anything to say about me at all?

maybe i have no story

maybe there's nothing to be honest about

nothing to reach into

maybe i am plain

dull

uninteresting

artless


and so i grasp ever so tightly to the kinds of "art" i know

the stylish mix and match of words. the technicalities of a good picture. the techniques of sketching. the wonders of photoshop.

and all that artificial crap.


i wish i were brave enough to explore who i am, or better yet, show myself off to the world (whether it gives a damn about me or not)

because if there were any real art that exists within me.... i haven't found it yet

and i don't think i'm up to finding it (or finding out that there isn't any "it") any time soon.